Walking Away

Sometimes, the best thing to do is just walk away.  A lesson my mother taught me years ago when I faced adverse situations or difficult people.  Now, I am the mother and I’m still learning this lesson.  It seems counterintuitive to walk away from your own kids.  But, this morning, that is exactly what I had to do.  Not because I was angry.  Not because she told me to leave.  But because she needed me…too much.

Every mother of a kindergartner understands the difficult choice you make to send your kids to school after five years of keeping them safely under your wing.  You make the decision, not because it’s the easiest for you but because it’s the best choice for them.  The easiest thing for me today would have been allow my kids to sleep until their chosen wake up time, leisurely feed them breakfast, and make our own schedule for the day.  The easiest thing for me would have been to grab my tearful girl and hug the stuffing out of her.  Or better yet, take her by the hand and bring her home, which is exactly what we both wanted in that moment.  She wanted her mommy.  I wanted to comfort her.  But the biggest challenge of motherhood is letting go.  It’s providing them with safe opportunities to practice the skills you have taught them.  It’s helping them to stand on their own feet.  To be confident to make their own decisions, to navigate their own little world.  I know she is in the best place to begin to do that.  As much as I love being the center of her world, I have to let her depend on herself and, more importantly, on the One who has promised to never leave her nor forsake her.

See, when I walked away, I didn’t leave her alone.  I left her in the hands of a God who loves her and will care for her better than I could ever hope to. 

Not a moment will go by today that I won’t wonder what she’s doing or how she’s doing.  The next six hours will drag on, no doubt.  But I am anticipating the hugs and smiles she’ll inevitably have when she runs to me and tells me she had a great day!  So, I suppose I can stop crying.