Settling Down- Part 1

"It's time for you to get married and settle down".  Has anyone been plagued by this statement or some form of it as much as I have? I heard it again the other day and haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

Who was the first person to coin the phrase "settle down"?  I would really like to know.  Why?  Because that person needs to be severely beaten for filling our minds with such inaccurate and lofty perceptions of married life. 

Settling down is a phrase highly misused. I have been married for 9 years and have three children under the age of 6. I haven't "settled down" since 2002. I am now busier than I've ever been and feel more manic than ever before. This isn't what I signed up for.   What happened to settling down in wedded bliss, enjoying quiet evenings at home with your love, swinging on a porch swing sipping iced tea on summer evenings.  Okay, maybe those images are a bit extreme and not exactly what I had in mind when I said, "I do".  But they do, fairly accurately, describe settling down.  As if life is supposed to be calm and serene after the wedding bells ring.

True, in most cases, adults spend their single years perusing bars and engaging in the club scene, moving from one relationship to another.  So I suppose "settling down" would require significant decrease in alcohol consumption and one committed, monogamous relationship, minus the grinding techno music.  But in my circle that wasn't the norm. 

My friends and I graduated from high school and moved on  with our lives in a fairly respectable and responsible manner.  We enrolled in college some to get a degree and, admittedly, some to find a husband.  Those of us who didn't get married in college or right after started our careers, moved away, moved back, traveled, and ultimately enjoyed our singleness.  Then slowly, one by one, we started to get married and "settle down", albeit, what we were settling down from, I still don't know.  Was it the weekend trips to the beach?  The quiet evenings at home watching a movie?  Leisurely afternoons at the mall?

Now don't get me wrong, it's not like life turned upside down the day after the wedding.  We adjusted really quickly and settled in to married life rather well.  But settling in is different than settling down.   Settling in refers to adjusting to living with one another, setting up your home, and continuing to get to know one another on a deeper level.  Settling in happened.  Settling down did not.

Suddenly you have twice as many relationships, twice as many bills, twice as much laundry, twice as many car problems.  The stress in your life has just grown exponentially.  Throw in the responsibility of maintaining your own house and it can be a bit overwhelming.  But, you learn to deal.  You learn to juggle with a few more balls and before you know it, everything is busy but moving smoothly.  Once again, you've settled in.  

And then you have kids...